


How Big, How Blue, How Beautiful

by nightshadesleep



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst, F/F, Post-Game, Resolved Romantic Tension, no s-support au, the beach episode we all deserved but never got, this is really self indulgent for me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-27
Updated: 2019-08-27
Packaged: 2020-09-27 13:37:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20408638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nightshadesleep/pseuds/nightshadesleep
Summary: Edelgard's overworked. Byleth suggests a vacation. Edelgard hates the ocean, but learns to love it.





	How Big, How Blue, How Beautiful

**Author's Note:**

> so this is an au where edelgard never had her post-war s-support confession. so, unresolved romantic tension. hope you enjoy!

Edelgard hated the ocean.

Looking back on it, she couldn’t remember where her fear originated from. Her formative years were such a mess of trauma that many of her childhood memories were reduced to a blur. But all she knew was that the sight of the inky depths made the hair on the back of her neck stand up. So, really, she dug her own grave when she suggested the Hresvelg beach house to Byleth as a vacation spot.

“You need to rest,” Byleth had told her. But there was no time to rest. Between abolishing the nobility system and preparing to launch an attack on Those Who Slither in the Dark, she had barely any time for recreational activities. About a year ago, she and Byleth had ended the war together in a flurry of flames and blood, but their work was nowhere near done. With guilt, she thought back to the time years ago when she promised Byleth they would one day know the joys of idling. That was one promise she hadn’t been able to keep.

But Byleth had been insistent. So insistent, in fact, that she forcibly cleared a whole three days from Edelgard’s schedule and demanded to know where Edelgard wanted to vacation to.

Byleth was so strong-willed Edelgard knew it was no use fighting.

The beach house belonged to the Hresvelg family, erected a century ago but scarcely used. Servants still inhabited the estate, responsible for the upkeep of the countless antiques that sat on display in rooms almost devoid of furniture. She was grateful for the abundance of old things; she loved studying the history of objects, their origins, their crafters. Unfortunately however, the estate was perched on a cliffside with an unshielded view of the ocean. And the suite she would be staying in had a wall-sized window across from the foot of her bed. There were no curtains. 

She shivered just imagining what the ocean would look like in the nighttime. Pure black waves, roiled by the wind, shifting violently in the darkness…

“Edelgard? Is there something wrong?”

Edelgard jumped back from the window, spinning around to face Byleth. “Oh, Byleth. You snuck up on me.” She must have come in silently through the open door. She was dressed in a skirt and a blue tunic that complimented her figure, a drastic change from the formalwear she wore about the Imperial palace. “No, nothing’s wrong.”

“You seem bothered by something,” Byleth said, joining her by her side and gazing out onto the azure waves. “This view is amazing.”

“It’s nothing, really. I just have… a distaste for the ocean.” 

“If you don’t like the ocean, then why did you choose to come here for vacation?” she asked, looking perplexed.

“Well,” Edelgard started, guilt settling in the pit of her stomach.. “This is very close to Enbarr, so if there was an emergency in the capital then I would be back within the day. It’s also in a relatively remote location, so if someone were to get word that the Emperor were away from her guarded palace, they wouldn’t be able to locate us.” She looked back to Byleth, who was frowning. She looked away upon sight, muttering a quick “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, El,” Byleth said, the affection in her voice making Edelgard’s heart jump into her throat. “But I wish you would have picked a place you actually wanted to go to, rather than what was convenient. You really need a break. We didn’t even get to celebrate your birthday this year because you were wrapped up in solving a land dispute.”

Edelgard let out a sigh through her nose, one of her hands toying nervously with the hem of her shirt. “Don’t be concerned about me, Byleth. It’s just my duty as an emperor. I need to ensure the wellbeing of my people.”

“But how can you ensure their wellbeing when you aren’t even taking care of yourself? You need to refresh your mind from time to time, you know. And the best way to do that is by relaxing.” Byleth moved behind her, gripping her shoulders and pressing her thumbs into the area beneath her shoulder blades, massaging in deep circles. “You’re so tense, El.”

El shrugged away from her, feeling odd beneath her ministrations. “Byleth, not now.” Her massages were probably a whole undiscovered form of art, but she was not in the mood. “I suppose there’s other things to do here besides going to the beach. I’m assuming you’ve brought some novels to read?”

“Well,” she said, “I did bring the novels, but I also brought you something else. Consider it a belated birthday present. All I could get you last month was a bouquet.”

Edelgard smiled when she remembered the bouquet she had received. Red and pink carnations mixed with blue forget-me-nots and asters. Byleth had looked sheepish upon giving her the gifts, explaining how Dorothea had advised her on exactly what flowers to choose for the bouquet. Edelgard was touched. She wasn’t versed in the language of flowers, but she was sure it was some heartfelt message. “Alright. Show me, then.”

“Here,” Byleth said, taking her by the hand and leading her out of the room. The hallways were unusually long, speckled with doors upon doors leading to unused and empty rooms. Byleth stopped at a door at the end of the hall, edges decorated with intricately painted flowers. “It’s through here. Would you mind closing your eyes before I show it to you? I want it to be a surprise.”

Edelgard humoured her, closing her eyes tightly and letting Byleth guide her the remainder of the way. As she entered the room, she could smell the salty air of the ocean and hear the distant cry of a gull. “Okay.You can open your eyes now..”

Her jaw dropped when she opened them, shocked by what lay before her. It was a small and almost vacant room, having no furniture but a table near the open window, whose curtains fluttered softly in the breeze. On the table laid a blank canvas, surrounded by a variety of oil paints in glass pots.

She turned to Byleth, dumbstruck. “Do you like it?” Byleth looked almost shy, her eyes brimming with nervous expectation.

“I love it.” She wrapped Byleth into a hug, chin resting on her shoulder. “How did you know I’ve been feeling the urge to paint lately?”

“Well,” Byleth started, “I figured that since you had so much fun painting that portrait of me, you’d enjoy painting in such a scenic place”

Edelgard let the embrace draw out for a few seconds longer than necessary. She felt safe in her arms, as though Byleth was helping her shoulder the weight of her burdens.

“Lady Edelgard.”

Byleth jumped at the sound of Hubert’s voice, breaking the hug. The man was standing at the doorway, tall and dark as ever. Even though this was supposed to be a time of relaxation, Hubert was still acting as Edelgard’s servant. He didn’t need or want a vacation. Being a servant was his second nature. 

“What is it, Hubert?” Edelgard asked,trying not to let any hint of annoyance into her voice, feeling a lingering sense of loss from Byleth yanking away so suddenly.

“The dining staff wanted me to inform you that supper will be ready in a half hour’s time.” His pale eyes moved from Edelgard to Byleth. Byleth then proceeded to start a mini staring contest with him without even realizing it, no malice involved. Hubert broke away first. “Excuse me, my lady. I have other matters to attend to.”

“Of course, Hubert. Thank you for letting me know.” The man ducked out of the room, leaving the two of them alone. 

“I still have the hardest time getting used to his presence,” Byleth admitted. “The death threats have stopped, at least.”

Edelgard smiled, looking out the window once more. The distant ocean was bluer than the sky, but she could still hear the waves crashing violently at the base of the cliff.  _ Maybe this vacation won’t be so bad after all. _

\----

Supper was delicious. It had been a few months since Edelgard had eaten fresh seafood, and she had almost forgotten how delicious it was. Fresh-caught fish and a variety of steamed shellfish were on the menu, along with a desert consisting of the region’s finest chilled fruits. She had glanced across the table from time to time, amused at the sight of Byleth letting loose and tearing the mollusks open with her bare hands with a ferocity only witnessed on the battlefield. The woman may have trained herself in etiquette for important political dinners, but at heart Byleth still had the roughness and manners of the mercenary she was raised to be.

After dinner, Edelgard returned to her room, unpacking the outfits she had chosen for the next few days. All were casual, with no emperor’s clothes in sight. She could get used to this. However, something caught her eye while she was in the middle of folding a dress, distracting her from her task. On the wall hung a painting of a woman holding another woman bridal style, both dressed in long, flowing clothes. Their heads were craned towards each other, gazing deep into each other’s eyes. The scene tugged at something deep in her chest, and she forced herself to look away. 

Even with a belly full of good food and a happy heart, she struggled to fall asleep that night. The bed was too large and too soft, the canopy above the bed providing no sense of comfort. That damned window was too large, and no matter what side she laid on, light from the moon lit up the room and the ocean, the inky black waves frothing, darkness incarnate. She felt exposed, ripped open. The few times she managed to doze off nightmares plagued her, and she always awoke more tired than she had been before.

After a few attempts at sleep she gave up. She lit a candle and flung herself out of bed, eager to be out of the room. The hallways struck her as creepy in the nighttime, but she knew no danger lurked within the beach house’s walls. She somberly reminisced on the other times she walked through empty corridors when she couldn’t sleep, back during her Academy days. The nightmares back then had been terrible too, but good had come out of them. The Professor had always invited her to a late-night cup of tea if she found her restlessly wandering the halls, leading them to bond over their shared insomnia.

She paused in her walk, spotting a faint light pouring out of the crack of an ajar door. She crept forward, feeling childish for sneaking around, but her curiosity demanded her to know who was staying up so late. 

Byleth was the culprit. She was sitting up in bed wearing a nightgown, reading a book with a new-looking leather cover. Something was embroidered onto the spine, gold lettering glinting in the candlelight. Byleth’s eyes flitted back and forth over the pages, engrossed in whatever she was reading.

“Byleth,” Edelgard half-whispered. 

Her head shot up, startled. She closed the book with haste and tossed it to the other side of her bed. “Edelgard. What are you doing up this late?”

“I could ask you the same. It’s half past midnight, Professor,” Edelgard said. She’d dropped the title of Professor last year, choosing now to only use the title during moments of teasing.

“I was just reading,” Byleth said. “Is there a problem?”

Edelgard cast her eyes to the side. “I can’t sleep. I hate to say it, but… the window in my room is too large. The ocean during the night is a particularly frightening sight.”

Byleth tilted her head, a finger coming to rest on her chin. “Oh. Do you want to sleep in here then?”

Edelgard was taken aback for a moment. To be invited to sleep in her room would have been humiliating if it were anyone but Byleth. But, then again, Byleth’s room didn’t have an obscenely large window facing the ocean. It took her only a few seconds to make her decision.

“Okay. Let me just get some blankets so I can sleep on the floor.” Edelgard turned to leave, but Byleth halted her with her words.

“No,” Byleth said, sitting up straighter. “I’ll sleep on the floor, Edelgard. You’ve been complaining about your back hurting lately, haven’t you?”

Edelgard shook her head. “No, Byleth. This is your room, and I don’t want to intrude.”

Byleth exhaled through her nose. “Fine. We can just share the bed.”

A visceral shock ran through Edelgard. Sharing a bed? Then again, it was a very sizable bed, and there was more than enough room for both of them. (She couldn’t deny that something deep within her found the thought appealing, as well.)

“I guess,” Edelgard said begrudgingly. “But only for tonight. I’ll try to see if I can move rooms tomorrow.”

Byleth picked up the book again and threw it onto the ground with a force greater than necessary, then gestured to the other side of the bed. Edelgard made a mental note to snoop around tomorrow. The way Byleth was acting about that book was suspicious.

Hesitantly, she walked to the opposite side of the bed and climbed beneath the covers. Somehow the mattress was firmer than than the one in the suite, and just the right consistency. She settled beneath the covers, laying on her back, as Byleth reached for the lit lamp on the bedside table.

“Goodnight, El,” Byleth said before blowing out the light.

She was tense at first, sleeping next to Byleth. Even though they were far enough apart, having the woman so close to her was nerve wracking. Her heart was beating fast, and she refused to even look in Byleth’s direction. But then she heard Byleth’s breathing even out, slow and deep, and the knowledge that the other woman was asleep made her relax so fast she practically fell limp. Cautious, she dared to look over at her.

She looked so serene in the moonlight, facial features completely relaxed. Faint moonlight shone through the window and cast shadows across the room. A strange feeling gripped Edelgard’s heart as she stared, her heartbeat pounding in her ears. She looked for only a moment more, then rolled away from Byleth, breath catching in her throat. The warm feeling in her chest did not disappear.

(Time was ticking. Stolen time, coming to claim her life too soon. Her days were numbered.)

\----

She woke up to a whole new kind of stress.

At first she lazed about, half asleep, coming awake gradually. The first things she registered were an arm slung around her midsection, and her legs tangled together with someone else’s. She didn’t think anything of it at first, but then she realized the implications and her eyes flew open, only to realize she was face-to-face with a sleeping Byleth. They were facing each other, both laying on their sides, and probably had been for awhile. Byleth was still sound asleep, but this fact did not stop Edelgard from becoming embarrassed.

Being so close to Byleth made her dizzy. She had examined the intricacies of her face many times before, but the morning light streaming in through the window made her notice new things; the light dusting of freckles along the bridge of her nose brought out by the summer sun, a stray eyelash fallen onto her cheek.

It was this moment, of course, that Byleth opened her eyes.

And, by the Goddess, were her eyes always so blue? Byleth blinked once, eyes still heavy with sleep. “Mornin’,” she mumbled. She didn’t move her arm from where it was resting on her waist.

Edelgard hoped dearly that Byleth didn’t notice how red her face must be. “Good morning,” she greeted, unsure of what to do. Should she move away? Would Byleth be offended by that? Luckily, Edelgard didn’t have to act, because Byleth pulled the offending arm back to rub at her eyes. Edelgard took this chance to roll onto her back, effectively untangling their legs and breaking all physical contact.  _ Great.  _ Now if only Edelgard’s heart could stop pounding.

“I-I should p-probably get up now,” Edelgard said, mentally cursing her stutter. “Hubert will get worried if I’m not in my room. And you know what happens when Hubert gets worried.”

Byleth shuddered. “Yeah,” she said, turning over onto her other side. “Five more minutes. I promise.”

Edelgard chuckled. “Thanks,” she eyed the book on the ground for a moment. The words etched onto the spine read  _ Her Lover.  _ A romance novel? That was unlike Byleth.

Thankfully, she didn’t run into any servants on her way back to her room. It would look scandalous if she were seen exiting Byleth’s room with messy hair, dressed in only a nightgown. She didn’t want anyone to get the wrong idea, even if they were only servants.

The ocean was much less scary during the day, perhaps even beautiful. The sun had just risen over the waves, sky painted orange, red, and pink, reflecting onto the waters so brightly she could only look for a few moments. The whole room was awash in colored light. Perhaps she wouldn’t need to change rooms, after all.

\----

Breakfast was delicious. Byleth was fully awake, tearing through a bagel like a predator tears through the neck of its prey. The food selection was somehow better than that in Enbarr. She made a note to request a better menu when she got back to the capital.

“Wanna go to the beach today?” Byleth said after she had demolished her bagel. “I know you don’t like the ocean that much, but the sight’s really something to see up close.”

Edelgard took a bite out of her sausage, mulling it over. “You know what? I think I would like that.”

Byleth’s eyebrows raised. “Wait, really?”

“Yes,” she said, setting her fork down. “My fear of the ocean is irrational and needs to be overcome. Would you help me, Byleth?”

“Of course, El. I could teach you how to swim, if you’d like,” Byleth said, grinning.

“Perhaps. I don’t know if I’d like to pursue that yet. I think I should get used to being near the waves first.”

Byleth nodded. “I can understand that. Did you bring your swimsuit?”

“Yes, but I wasn’t prepared to use it,” she said. “I don’t think I’ve ever wore something so… revealing outside.”

“Revealing? Edelgard, it’s just a one-piece. But, regardless, I think we should get going soon. It’s a bit of a walk.”

Edelgard stood from the table. “Okay. I’ll meet you outside in a moment.”

\----

The swimsuit Edelgard brought was nowhere near the definition of “revealing” by normal standards, but it was a bit out of her comfort zone. A red one-piece, modest enough, dipping in the back just below her shoulder blades, showing the edge of a nasty scar from her childhood. There were scars on her shoulders, too, but those were from training and battle, so she didn’t feel as self-conscious about them. She tied a long-sleeved shirt around her waist by the sleeves for good measure. 

It wasn’t too long of a walk to the beach, but it was steep. A narrow path leading down to the seaside, a small patch of sandy beach, not too far from the cliff face the beach house was built on. The walk was mostly quiet, just the sound of birds and Byleth having a one-sided banter with Hubert, who tagged along for safety reasons.

She’d gotten used to seeing the ocean from afar, but seeing it up close was a completely different experience.The roar of the waves crashing against jagged rocks that could be heard from the beach house was completely different from the gentle purr at the beach.

“I think I’ll go for a quick swim,” Byleth said, stretching her arms over her head. She was wearing a two piece that showed off the vast expanse of her muscular stomach. While Edelgard had barely any time to train and lost a lot of muscle in the past year, Byleth had been keeping up with her personal training regimen. Edelgard looked away quickly, down to the shirt around her waist. She untied it, letting it fall to the sand.

Byleth’s eyes slid down her body for a split second, then back to her eyes. “It’s a nice color, Edelgard.”

“It’s the same color as all my other outfits,” she said, but her face burned regardless. “I like yours, too. It’d been awhile since you’ve worn anything that’s showed your midriff.”

“Why, did you miss it?” Byleth grinned playfully. Edelgard’s breath caught in her throat. Was Byleth… flirting with her?

Edelgard failed to respond, too flustered to say anything. Byleth just laughed, placing her hand on her shoulder and pushing playfully. “I’m just joking with you. I’ll be right back, I promise.” With that said, Byleth turned and ran to the oceanside.

“Wait,” she called. “I’ll come with you.”

Byleth stopped in her tracks, making a ‘come hither’ motion. “Don’t worry. The sea doesn’t bite.”

Byleth was wrong. The sea most definitely did bite, even though she was only up to the ankles in water. “Why is it freezing? It’s summertime,” she complained, trying for all the world to get used to the shock of cold. 

Byleth moved forward into the water, going until she was up to the waist in the chill. Edelgard stood, mystified. “It’s just the ocean. It’s supposed to be cold.” With that said, Byleth trudged the remaining length into the water, up to her shoulders. She submerged her head for a moment, then came back up for air, wet strands of hair spraying droplets everywhere. 

Edelgard was determined to do more than let the waves lap at her feet. She walked a few more steps, until the water came up to her knee. The sand changed to small pebbles, uncomfortable under her feet, but she didn’t want to disappoint Byleth.

Byleth swam towards her, arms moving in wide motions. “Want me to teach you how to swim?”

Edelgard eyed the ocean. “Isn’t it dangerous to do this in the ocean? I feel like it would be more apt to do this in a lake, or some safer body of water.”

“It’ll be okay, Edelgard. I won’t let you drown.”

Edelgard crossed her arms. “I wasn’t implying that you’d let me drown. I was just saying that the ocean can be treacherous sometimes.”

“It’s low tide right now. There’s nothing to worry about. Come on in.” Byleth moved into the deeper waters. Edelgard supposed she had no choice but to follow. 

“Have you been in the ocean before, Byleth?” Edelgard continued until the water was up past her midsection. All the while, she dreadfully attempted to get used to the feeling of being in the water.

“My father brought me to the ocean when I was small,” she said, moving towards Edelgard. “Not here. Farther north, I think. But I was taught how to swim in the ocean.”

Byleth’s hand found her side. “Here. Move lower into the water and move off your feet.”

Edelgard followed her instructions, lifting her feet off the ground and falling backwards into the water. Byleth’s hand moved to her back, keeping her from fully submerging her head underwater. “Now, you should be able to float, so I’ll remove my hand from you gradually. Splay out your arms and legs.”

Edelgard did just that, feeling Byleth’s hand move to the small of her back, then off completely. Just like Byleth said, she was now floating, cold water coming up to cover her ears. She noted how everything underwater sounded distorted and distant, yet somehow louder. “That’s called the backfloat,” Byleth said, sounding gleeful. 

Byleth’s hand returned to her back, urging Edelgard up and back onto her feet. Her hand lingered, sending a chill down her spine. Edelgard crossed her arms, hugging them tight to her body. “It’s still so cold. Can I get out?”

“Sure, if you want. Really, I just wanted you to get used to the feel of the water. We can stop if you want to.”

Edelgard looked out to the ocean, feeling dizzy for a moment before looking back down at the distorted image of her feet beneath the waves. “No. I think I can keep going. I want you to teach me how to swim.”

Byleth had a wide smile on her face. Years ago, she never would have looked so overjoyed, even if she felt that way. Since the Goddess had left her forever, Byleth had become more expressive, smiling and speaking out loud more often, though still liking to keep to herself. Some had even said it was like she had turned into a completely different person, but Edelgard knew that wasn’t true. Byleth was just growing into herself. She was the same person that had saved her from the bandit six years ago, just a little changed.

After an hour and a half of grueling work on Edelgard’s part, Byleth taught her how to do the doggy paddle. Even after all that effort, she could do it just barely, but it was enough to keep her afloat for a good portion of time.

“Good job,” Byleth said as they stood side by side on the beach, sand caking Edelgard’s toes. “I’ll teach you how to tread water next time. I think you’ve made good progress.”

“Your years as a professor may be over, but you’re still teaching me new things.” Edelgard looked out into the sea, the droplets of water on her skin drying fast under the noon sun.

“Indeed. I guess old habits die hard.”

“I miss being able to have any amount of free time,” Edelgard said. “You were right. I think this short vacation has been much needed.”

Byleth remained silent, tense, almost. Edelgard continued. “I realize that since the end of the war, I’ve been focused on the wellbeing of the country. After all, I need to ensure that the future is bright and peaceful, and as of late it seems like there are more and more problems to solve. But…” Edelgard looked to Byleth, who met her gaze. “I feel like I have unfinished business. Both in my personal and emotional life.”

Byleth held her gaze, eyes searching. It wasn’t unlike their games of chess, where Byleth looked deep into her eyes as though she could see her next move, like she was made of glass. 

“Your Majesty,” called an unfamiliar voice. Edelgard spun around to see a young male servant approaching them. “Lunch is prepared back at the beach house, if you are ready for it.”

Edelgard nodded. “Thank you for notifying me, I will be back shortly.” bowed, then turned around and walked away from the shore. 

“I’ve worked up quite the appetite,” Byleth said. “How about you?”

“Agreed.” Edelgard bobbed her head, bewildered at how the moment of tension had disappeared so swiftly. “Let’s head back.”

Hubert materialized, seemingly out of nowhere. “I will escort you two back. Here are your towels.” Edelgard took the towels, handing one to Byleth. Somehow, Hubert was able to wear his full outfit in the heat without breaking a sweat.

\----

Byleth and Edelgard lazed about after lunch, laying on the furniture in a spare sitting room. Byleth laid on on the couch, legs thrown up over the arm of the chair, reading a book. The book was different from the one she was reading the night before. The spine read  _ The Women of House Gautier.  _ Edelgard couldn’t fathom why she was reading up on history. That was more Edelgard’s thing. Byleth preferred adventure stories and mythology, on average.

Edelgard was flipping through an old volume she’d found on the shelf. After deducing it to be boring, she closed it and announced, “I think I’m going to go paint now.”

“Really?” Byleth said, glancing up from her book. “What are you gonna paint?”

“I don’t know at the moment,” Edelgard lied. She knew exactly what she was going to paint. “If I put enough effort into it, I’ll be able to show it to you by the end of this vacation.”

Byleth smiled. “Good luck, El.”

Over the next hour, Edelgard moved the canvas and paints from the room at the end of the hall to her bedroom. The canvas was small enough, portrait-size, although that is not what she was going to paint.

She began to sketch the forms, all of her focus absorbed into her craft. Her world became the lines and planes of the canvas, and nothing mattered but her sketches.

\----

A knock on the door finally snapped Edelgard out of her concentration. The shadows in the room had grown long, room awash in the golden light of the sunset. Time had passed like sand through her hands, she was so absorbed into her art. “Come in,” she called, dazed.

Byleth entered the room, dressed in a black evening blouse that fell off her shoulders. “You’ve been productive,” she commented, seeing the canvas of botchy color. It wasn’t very detailed yet. That would come later.

“Yes. I was so absorbed in it, I probably would have ended up painting until the light faded if you hadn’t come in here.”

Byleth smiled. “I love that you’re working on your hobby instead of working in politics for once. It’s refreshing to see you so gung-ho about something, El.”

Edelgard smiled at Byleth, then turned to look out at the ocean. The sun was just beginning to dip beneath the waves, sky painted bright orange and gentle pink.

“I peeked in here earlier, and you were so absorbed in your painting that I went to dinner by myself.” Edelgard glanced down and saw that Byleth was carrying a tray of seafood. “I didn’t want to interrupt, but you need to eat, so here you go.”

Edelgard stood up from the chair she had pulled into the room earlier. “Thank you.” She took the tray from Byleth, only to realize she had nowhere to set it down. “I think I have to set it down on the bed.”

“Don’t worry about it. It’s all finger food, anyways. Mollusks and the like.”

Edelgard sat down with her tray on her lap. She had assumed Byleth would leave afterward, but the woman sat on the bed next to her, just a few inches between them. “You know,” Byleth continued, a forced nonchalantness in her voice, “I feel like we have unfinished business. Do you get the same feeling I do?” 

Edelgard chewed heavily through a mouthful scallops, thankful for the opportunistic pause. Where was Byleth going with this? Edelgard nodded, chewing as slowly as possible.

“Well, there were a few things I wanted to talk about. After you’re done eating, of course.”

Thus ensued the most awkward meal Edelgard had ever eaten. Byleth twiddled her thumbs, looking anywhere but Edelgard, who did likewise. She stopped halfway through the tray, setting it on the bedside table. “Say what you’re going to say, Byleth. I don’t like this silence.”

The room was now colored pink, sun well beneath the horizon. Byleth’s nervousness seemed to dissolve once their eyes met. For a moment, all they did was look into each other’s eyes. Byleth’s eyes were like the ocean, vast and deep, glinting with the pale light of the fading sun. “El,” she said, voice above a murmur.

Edelgard jerked her head away, heart beating wildly within her chest. “Byleth…”

Byleth’s hand moved to her’s, fingers threading together without any resistance. “I think you know what I’m about to say, right?”

Edelgard looked back to Byleth. The woman’s eyebrows were slightly furrowed, a tender look on her face that made Edelgard’s heart melt. Like a magnet, Edelgard found herself drawn forward, leaning in without realizing it. Byleth’s head tilted, her hot breath ghosting Edelgard’s lips, before closing the gap and sealing their lips together.

The kiss was soft and gentle, a rush of emotions spilling through Edelgard all at once. She shouldn’t be doing this, but she couldn’t keep her love for Byleth hidden any longer. Her arms wrapped around her neck, hands tangling in her hair. Byleth pulled back, a gentle flush on her face. “I love you,” Byleth confessed, breath coming hot onto Edelgard’s skin. She leaned down, pressing a chaste kiss to her neck. Edelgard swallowed thickly, the feeling of her lips sending down heat through her body. “I love you,” Byleth said again, arms coming to embrace her in a hug.

“I love you too,” Edelgard whispered, Byleth rising back to meet her lips once more. Her mouth was hot and wet against her own, her body melting profusely against Byleth, as close as their seating would allow. 

Edelgard threw a leg over Byleth, shifting so she was sitting on her lap. Byleth’s hands settled on her waist. Byleth gazed up at her, a dazed and reverent look in her eyes, like Edelgard was the finest work of art ever painted. “You’re so beautiful, El. I’ve loved you for so long...”

Edelgard kissed her again with bruising force, and again, and again, until she and Byleth were panting for lack of air. Edelgard breathed hard, noticing too late that there were tears welling in her eyes. “El? What’s wrong?” She tried to blink them back, but one escaped, dripping off her chin to land on Byleth’s cheek. 

Before she knew it, Byleth had hugged her close and she was shaking into the embrace, small gasps and stifled sobs muffled by the crook of her neck. Byleth’s hand came to her back, rubbing gently, but Edelgard was lost in her distress. It felt like hours, but it was only minutes until the sobbing subsided, and she could only tremble on top of Byleth.

“I’m sorry, El,” Byleth said, sounding distressed. “If you weren’t ready, if I crossed a line, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s not that,” Edelgard said, moving off of Byleth to sit beside her, wiping her tears on the sleeve of her shirt. “It’s not your fault. It’s me.”

Byleth looked bewildered. “What do you mean, El?”

“Do you know what you’re getting yourself into, with me?” Edelgard said, refusing to look up. “I don’t have much time left, you know.”

Byleth’s hand gripped her shoulder, turning her towards her. “El,” she said, voice strained, “Lysithea’s coming up with a solution. She’s studying these ancient techniques that-”

“There’s a good chance it’ll do nothing, or even kill me.” Edelgard’s hands clenched so hard her nails bit into her palms. “Don’t assume there’s any salvation for me, Byleth. I don’t want you to get your hopes up.”

“And why is hope a bad thing, Edelgard?”

“Because I don’t want you to love me for a few years, then spend the rest of your life in heartbreak when I’m gone!” Her tone escalated, ending the sentence with a shout. “I don’t want you to be hurt, Byleth!” Edelgard stood, facing Byleth.

Byleth held her head in her hands. “I’ll be more hurt if you never let me love you in the first place, El,” she murmured, lifting her head and staring boldly into Edelgard’s eyes. “I think we both know how long we’ve loved each other, El, but we’ve been to cautious. I think it’s time we finally take the risk.”

Edelgard deflated, all the steam going out of her. “I need some time to think, Byleth.”

Byleth nodded, and the sad look on her face nearly made Edelgard’s heart break in two. “I understand.” Byleth got up and walked past her. “Goodnight, El.”

Edelgard didn’t even turn to watch her leave, instead collapsing face-first onto her bed, burying her face in her arms. From the outside she was the Emperor of Adrestia, the one who united F ódlan under her axe. But beneath the mask she was El, vulnerable, baffled by her own emotions.

\----

She awoke in the middle of the night laying on top of the covers, still dressed in her day clothes. She propped herself up onto her elbows, daring to look out of the window. Shapes turned and twisted in the dark, but now the ocean was far from her worst fear.

She threw herself out of bed, lighting a candle. She knew what she had to do.

A quick walk revealed that Byleth was not in her room. Despite feeling intrusive, Edelgard entered the room, looking for clues to where the woman could have gone. The bed was untouched, sheets tucked in neatly. A book laid on the bed. She picked it up, feeling the weight of it in her hand. Holding the candle up to the spine revealed it to be the same book Byleth had been carrying around.  _ Her Lover. _

She sat, holding the candle precariously over its pages, careful not to drip any wax. The inner page was signed in ink, in none other than Dorothea’s handwriting.  _ To Byleth,  _ read the scrawling cursive.  _ Good luck with all your romantic endeavors. Send me a letter soon! _

Edelgard started to flip through the pages. The further on she went, the more apparent it became that it was not a romance novel at all- rather, it was a book on how to woo a woman. Byleth had dog-eared the page early on in the book, so she hadn’t read very far in. But still, the fact that Dorothea had given this book to Byleth, mentioning ‘romantic endeavors’... That must have meant that Byleth had asked her for advice.

Edelgard flipped back to the front, eyes catching on something that had been underlined.  _ “The most important thing to remember is that if you love her- truly love her, with all your heart, you’ll wait for her forever.” _

Edelgard felt tears pricking the edge of her eyes. So she hadn’t been imagining things. It was unlike Byleth to hold back when there was something she was passionate about, but the passage seemed to indicate that Byleth was waiting for her all along, respecting her boundaries and not making any strong moves towards her.

The stinging feeling of regret plagued her. She wished she had let her guard down sooner. Byleth was right. By pushing her away, it was just hurting them both more, rather than preventing some future harm.

“I’ve been blinded,” she whispered to herself. She put the book down, determined to find her.

Byleth wasn’t in the sitting room, or the sun room, or anywhere they’d been in the past two days. Anxiety bit at her heart, growing frantic. Had she left? Had she been kidnapped?

At that moment she ran into a servant boy, looking about twelve years old, holding an arm full of sheets. “Excuse me,” she said to the startled boy. “Have you seen a woman with blue hair wandering around?”

“Yes,” the boy said, clearly frightened. “She left through the front door. When I asked the lady where she was going at this hour, she said she was going to the ocean shore. I thought she was a ghost.”

She nodded. “Thank you,” she said, before turning her back on the bewildered boy.

It was dark outside, but not as dark as it could have been. The crescent moon was there to guide her, the pale light illuminating the path down to the beach. It wasn’t an easy walk, especially in her slippers, but she knew what lay at the end of the path.

A lone figure sat on the beach, arms wrapped around her legs. Without a word Edelgard approached her and sat down beside her, not looking over.

“I’m sorry for earlier,” she said. “It was wrong of me to shout.”

“No,” Byleth said after a moment of silence. “You have every right to express your emotions however you want to.”

Edelgard sighed. “I shouldn’t have kept you from loving me, Byleth. I shouldn’t have made that decision for you.”

“You don’t owe me anything, Edelgard,” Byleth said in a firm voice. “But I want you to know that even if you pass away any time, whether it be tomorrow or the distant future, I will never regret having loved you.”

Edelgard wrapped her arm around Byleth, pressing their sides close together. The waves were lapping at the shore, a rhythmic beat to the song of night. “I love you too, Byleth. A whole lot. But I’m just scared of hurting you.”

“You could never hurt me,” Byleth said. “I have hope, Edelgard. I believe that Lysithea will find a cure, and we can retrieve that time that’s been stolen from you. But even if I knew your days were numbered for sure, I’d still love you.”

Edelgard opened her mouth to speak again, but silenced herself as Byleth reached into the pocket of her jacket, which she must have put on before going outside. She revealed an intricately made silver ring. “This is the ring my father gave my mother,” Byleth said. “I want you to have it.”

Edelgard held out her trembling hand. Slowly, Byleth slid the ring onto her ring finger. It fit perfectly.

“Are you proposing to me?”

Byleth gave her a coy smile. “Maybe.”

“I accept.”

Edelgard hugged Byleth with all her strength, wrapping her into a tight embrace that she didn’t ever want to let go. Byleth returned it full force, only the thin layers of fabric between them keeping their bodies from melding together.

“I promise to always be by your side,” Edelgard whispered, repeating an old Adrestian betrothal vow.

“And I, likewise,” Byleth replied, sealing the promise with a kiss.

\----

The next day was the day they would leave the estate. The trip may have been short, but Edelgard felt like she had gained much from it. 

Months later, her painting was finished, unveiled a week before her and Byleth’s wedding day. A painting of her and Byleth, dressed in long flowing clothes, Edelgard held in Byleth’s arms bridal style, necks craned towards each other, gazing deep into each other’s eyes. 

“I love it,” Byleth had gushed. “It looks familiar, somehow. It’s perfect.”

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! this was hugely self-indulgent on my part, and some parts feel kind of forced. This is only the second fic i've ever written, so please excuse me if there are any mistakes. feedback and comments are welcome!


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